Strength of the Night
by edwardsgurl007
Summary: Bella blames herself for losing Edward and falls into a bleak despair of self injury and self loathing. Will she find the strength to move on with her life, or will she leave everything she knows to gain it all back? *CHAPTER 2 NOW UP!*
1. despair

Bella awoke to her alarm clock. It was just another day. Another day in the long line of days she so tragically lived. Would she ever see Edward again? Would she ever feel him near her? Bella got out of bed, feeling the darkness in her heart and the bottomless pit in her stomach. Her emotions were bottled up – her feelings frozen and rotting her insides. She lumbered to the bathroom, but it was as though everytime she looked in the mirror, Edward was looking back at her. In the silence of the morning, Bella picked up her razorblade and dug it into her arm. She watched the release of blood, and the feelings left her. She had emptied for the day. Now time to get ready for school.

School was always the same for Bella. People talked but she didn't listen. Why should she? Edward was gone, after all. "Bella wats wrong, you look horrible.!" Her friend said in a concerned voice. "Edward left me. My left is an empty void. So empty. Empty with a big emptiness in my heart." Bella sighed and headed towards the bathroom, looking at her big fat ugly face in the mirror. "Nobody will ever love you!!" She cried to herself, sobbing. "The only person that's ever loved me is goonnneee!" She sobbed in pain. Oh, how she wanted to go home.

She didn't pay attention in class. She remembered how she lost him. At night, he haunted her dreams. The cutting didn't work all the time. The self loathing seemed to get worse. The only thing that ever mattered in her life was Edward. Her friends didn't know what to do – but they didn't understand. Didn't understand her pain, that feeling deep inside her – she had lost the love of her life. Lost him. Forever. As she sat in her English class, she closed her eyes. Bella let herself think of his beautiful features, so slightly touched with sadness, it always made her heart break. She remembered the last time she had seen his face. Her mind started traveling backwards, through the sands of times…back to where it all began…back to when it all started…back to him…


	2. shine

The day Bella met Edward was a cold one. She knew it was cold because she could feel the cold seeping into her bones, which, at that time, were cold. She was walking along town with her head down, her hands shoved into her pockets. Suddenly she was knocked backwards and looked up, her mouth open, getting ready to yell at how miserable she was and HOW DARE THIS PERSON INTERRUPT HER WALKING IN DESPAIR. But instead all she saw was a guy who ~sparkled~ in the sunlight, her eyes almost exploding from how shiny he was.

"Hi. I'm Edward." He said with a smile.

Bella's entire body seem to freeze. He was gorgeous – absolutely stunning – she swore she was falling into his eyes – falling deep – deep – deeper – into those gorgeous eyes of his. Edward – even his name slowly sunk into her mind, wrapping itself around her. It was as though every moment that lead up to this moment was useless. Dry. Uninspired. This was her moment. This was the start of her life.

"Uhm…hi…" she said, "Sorry, I should have been paying more attention."

Edward smiled, "It's okay. I was the one who wasn't paying attention." He looked at her quietly, and Bella swore she was going to fall over and melt onto his shoes.

"Yeah uhm…I'm Bella." She said, stuttering.

"I know." He replied.

A shiver ran down her spine. How would he know? She hadn't seen him at school before, nor thought no one really paid attention to her at school.

"Have you been stalking me?! That's illegal! Nobody's allowed to see me doing private things in the privacy of my own home!" Bella said, shaking her fist and shielding her eyes from Edward's rays of light. Edward laughed, throwing his head back. He had a rather large adam's apple, Bella noticed. "You're shiny…and you know my life without me saying anything…and your adam's apple is huge!" She said, her eyes widening.

"You must be a vampire!" Bella exclaimed, finally letting her hand drop to her side. She'd need sunglasses to protect herself from his UV Rays, but… "What are you doing Saturday night, Edward?" Edward thought for a minute. "I was going to go drink some blood, but I can always go on a date with you!" Bella had never felt so happier.

It just felt right. It didn't feel fast at all – it felt perfect. Knowing him was perfect in a strange, perfect sort of way. Just perfectly. She didn't even feel like herself around him either. She felt full of life and hope – maybe it was the way he shone in the light. Bella didn't know. But did it really matter? This was fate connecting her to him – like a USB plug being connected to a USB port. This was love.

But Bella didn't know what she was getting herself into. She didn't know the dark path she was going down, how things would go bump in the night, how she'd fall farther and farther into herself…with no way out…


End file.
